From The MOment I was Born, I have Been A Sinner

For a week when I was born, I cried. I did not stop. I cried and cried until my voice was hoarse.

I was insatiable. I would never be satisfied. My parents say I have given them headaches every day since.

I have been a burden on my family since conception, since I came out a flower. Since I proved myself

to be unholy as I emerged from my mother's womb. My big sister trapped me in a closet when I was an infant.

I inhaled so much dust it felt hard to breathe for a few days. I blame her for the way my lungs tighten

when I am afraid. My parents did nothing. My guardian angel broke her leg the month after.

Five years later, under a blue sky, in the midst of dewy grass, on the dawn of Good Friday, a baby was born

A cherub; a perfect soul with smooth skin like velvet. My parents were relieved. He was everything I was not.

They wouldn't let me hold him. I could not taint him with my wicked touch. I would turn his wings black and sticky.

He would not fly. Why should he fly? My wings were clipped the moment I opened my eyes.

What do I remember of the Chosen One's birth? He cried. He did not stop. He cried and cried until his voice was hoarse.

My caretakers loved him. All who gazed upon him would stroke his wings with great delicacy. They would shush him,

sing hymns to calm his soul. He received gifts upon arrival. He rose up from hell, and yet, his birth marked

the return of the King of Kings.

I wish I fucking killed that baby.

I wish I suffocated that heathen in his plush cradle, snuffed him out with his hand-sewn quilt.

I could wrap the sleeves of his fleece pajamas around his supple neck

I could fill his greedy belly with a tonic of poison

I wish I had kicked him in the head before he had the chance to kick mine.

Before he could throw toys he had been so generously gifted against my aching head

Before he could whack me with his father's golf club until my skin turned purple and my bones would ache.

Before he stole away everything I would never have. I will never forgive that fucking devil. Fucking satan.

But my mother calls him angel.

I. am. RAVENOUS.